Well, it's time! It's time for me to pick myself up by my boot straps and get my act together. I knew that in order to do this, it would take me finally opening myself up to God. Finally, getting rid of unconfessed sin, finally letting Him have control of my life.When Clay first lost his job, I was so confident that God would see us through.

Then when His timing didn't match up to my timing, I checked out. I checked out all together. I checked out from bible study, from quiet time (and here's me being really transparent) even from prayer. I was telling my friend Becky about my struggles and the best way that I could describe it was like watching a movie that I really wasn't interested in. You know the ones in high school that you were forced to watch, and they were so old that the tape skipped?! (Can you imagine them rolling those big tv's into the classroom now? How funny is that?!) Anyway, whenever I would begin to pray or read anything biblical, even if it was some one's fb status, I would checkout! Just like I did in high school history. I would sometimes scan it but mostly not even do that.

I found myself searching for something, not even knowing what. Do I need more alone time with my husband? Do I need more alone time to just me? Do I need a break in life? Do I need to slow down my photography? Do I need to, the list goes on and on. And the stress built and built. When will we have money again? Will we pay our bills? Will my husband be okay due to the stress of life? Will my kids have everything that they need? Will my family be okay?

Then suddenly one day at school, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I needed God and I needed him now! But how, I'm not motivated for Him? I don't know why that I didn't have the motivation for Him. I couldn't put my finger on the why part, but it didn't really matter. What mattered is that something had to change! A book, a magic book, yeah, that's why I need! So I set my friend Trey Bailey The New Normal a text saying just that. I quickly got a text back recommending Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I had heard of it but that was it. I knew nothing about it. He said that it would "motivate" me to pursue God. So I did what any friend would do and asked if I could borrow his copy (knowing that I didn't need to send any money). He didn't have his copy so I thought, great I'll have to buy it. Trey sent me a text later that day, saying that 2 copies were being mailed to us from Amazon. Now that's a friend AND a blessing from God!

I opened the mailbox today after a crappy day to find a box with 2 copies of Crazy Love! I rushed inside, poured juice and snacks and turned on Dora so that I could begin reading. 26 pages in, the author sends me to his website to watch the video below. I can honestly say, only 26 pages in and a short youtube video and I'm feeling motivated!!




I must say, I'm sharing some pretty personal stuff of the blog here lately. I don't know if anyone even reads it anymore since I was so far between posts, but if so, I'd love to hear from you. Mainly, so I'll know who I'm pouring my heart out to, but also so you can keep me accounatble.Btw...I'm not proofreading for fear that I may change something and not truly speak my heart.

It's been way too long!!

I can't believe it's been so long since I've blogged. I even had a draft post saved, titled, "It's been way too long"...that was in JUNE! My oh My, it isn't because I've lost interest in blogging or don't want to, instead, it's much more similar than that...I just can't find the time. I feel so guilty about my posting, or lack there of, I should say. One thing that both Clay and I both used to enjoying doing whenever we had a few extra computer moments, was going back and reading about Evan when he was so young. We often had even just a sentence or two posted of something funny that he did or said. We would find so much joy in reading those moments. For the last few years, those moments been documented. The poor twins...well Evan has the blog and even several scrapbooks...not the twins. It is up to our memory to remember the things that they say or do, and well, let's face it, being a parent to 3 kids...well...the mind isn't much these days!

In an effort to play catch up (which I've done before) I think I'll just add a few things that come to mind about the last few years...so stay tuned.

2010...HELL yet HEAVEN

Warning...very personal post. So if you don't want TMI...don't read. I really don't know why I'm blogging about this, I guess in a effort to vent. Maybe for our kids to look back at one day and know that we did the best that we could. This isn't a let's feel sorry for the Hodges post, either, just something that I need to get off my chest.

Our hell began when Clay lost his job at the bank in October 2009. Clay, though being VP of a bank, he was a Construction/Commercial lender and due to the economy, that was just a job not really needed anymore. The bank paid him through the rest of the year which was a huge blessing but it meant 2010 started with NO INCOME! What were we going to do? Here we are a family of 5, with 3 kids to care for, and me a stay at home mom! HOLY CRAP!!

Fortunately, my business, Three E Photography (bet you can't guess where the name came from) had really started to thrive. I was busier than I could handle. It was nice that Clay was home during the day because it allowed me time to edit photos. Yes, I was very busy but that was hardly what you would call an income. So here we were (and are) in a place that I never saw myself being. I was fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom, Clay had a great job, we wanted for nothing. We took our kids on vacations, to the zoo, the aquarium, enjoyed dinners with friends, etc., any fun adventure that we could think of doing.

Talk about a lifestyle change. Now, I'm not saying we were frivolous with our money, we certainly were not! Money Man, Clay, was very good at keeping our finances in tack, we had (yes had) no credit card debt of any kind. The only debt we had was our home, car, and student loans. Clay drove a vehicle that was over 10 years old, we traded the "fun" car to save money on a minivan, we slept on a mattress that had killed our backs for almost 12 years.

Back on track...we would go up and down, devastation to feeling really positive...The Lord would care for us!! I just knew it!! I almost had this numb feeling, that I was trusting God, so why worry about it. As time went on that changed and I became a bit depressed. It was as if, I had so much to do, that I couldn't do it all. It was an effort just to get dressed, let alone clean the house, edit photos, or do my team mom duties. I decided to take a the summer off from photography and turned a lot of people away. Probably not the best business move, but I didn't have a choice. Thanks to my husband's patience and some pretty white and green pills, I'm okay now. :) (A whole separate post, but if you take antibiotics when you're sick why not take something when you can't pick yourself up, just saying.)

My days of a stay home Mom came to an end. I now teach second grade at FBA and Clay found a job at Ramesy's Furniture Company. However, with our combined incomes, we are still living on about a third of what we were. We learned to cut back in ways that we didn't know we could cut back. We don't have to have caller id, or premium channels. We don't have to buy clothes for the kids, just because they would look cute in them, they don't have to have more than 1 pair of shoes each.

The year of 2010 certainly was hell in many ways, but much of it was like heaven. It was amazing to watch our children grow. Evan, a star athlete in baseball. The number one first baseman in the league. He played All Stars and even some travel ball. I had a blast watching his love for baseball and I know Clay loved coaching him! The twins began to do so much and during the year, we watched them grow from babies to little kids, as they went through the terrible two's...and yes there were two of them in the terrible two's!!

The lessons in cutting back were nice, but here, now, I'm faced with uncertainty. The uncertainty of will this ever change? My laid back numb feeling of trust is gone. It's been over a year now, when all of this happened, I thought we would be back up by now and yet it looks like it will be a while still. BUT...I'm hanging on...WE'RE hanging on! WE are in this thing together and nothing, nothing will change that.

BTW...I didn't reread this post. I was afraid I would chicken out and delete much of it, so if there are grammical errors...oh well.

Our Birds

Every year we get birds in the ferns on our front porch. This year a couple of birds built their family next on the wreath on our front door...a great view for us! They had 5 eggs, 3 never hatched, one baby feel out of the nest (we didn't find it in time) so that left one baby bird. We have had some much fun watching the progress. Evan could not believe that they didn't have any feathers when they were born. Today, the baby got up for the first time!

Elijah's Turtle

Okay, so I'm done taking photos with my phone. It takes GREAT photos to upload to fb but they are too small for blogger. Elijah was drawing on his maga-doodle (which they both love) and all of a sudden, he shouted..."Wook what my made...A tur-dle" He said it in the sweetest sounding voice!! When I took his picture you could tell that he was just so proud to show it off.

Ella

When Ella wants you to read a book to her, she says, "Talk in this book." It's so cute!

St. Patricks Day

No, their hair is not wet...it's the VASELINE!!!

Happy 2nd Birthday to the Twins

An Elmo and Abby Cadabby Party! An Elmo cake to share and each had their own little cake.

Blowing out the candles...

Show Mommy your happy face...

Matching party outfits...
As the party comes to an end...Ella was so sleepy. Not the Paas are gone! (happy/sad)

Elijah was still on a sugar high!

Mommy and her first favorite baby boy!!

I love Evan in this photo...taking pictures with his camera.

Kids say the darnest things...

One of the biggest reasons that it is important that I blog is because of the record that it leaves. I love to go back over the years and read the things that Evan did or said when he was small. I've been missing all of that with the babies...so it starts now...

We were outside grilling hamburgers when it got a little chilly. I told Elijah that he should put his jacket back on, he brought it to me and said, "I can't take(stressing the long a sound in both words) it anymoa. That boy brings a smile to face!

Hodges Five Spring 2010

St. Patricks Day

Notice the hair, no, it's not wet...it's VASELINE!

Vaseline Babies

The pictures were taken with my phone so they are very small. Click to enlarge and make sure you watch the video below. It took a entire week for it to come out. We tried baby powder, corn starch, baking soda, Dawn, shampoo, and finally even baby oil. Believe it or not, I think the baby oil helped more than anything else. Oh and did I mention that their Daddy was out of town?!

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2 yr. Bday...

I CAN'T FIND THE PHOTOS...PLEASE...SURELY I DIDN'T ACCIDENTALLY DELETE THEM. WILL POST LATER.

Santa Comes to Visit our House

The kids had a surprise visitior on night...it was SANTA!! Of course, Evan was so excited! He quickly jumped up and gave Santa a hug...Lije was okay...Ella wasn't too sure. The babies

The Babies had no idea that Santa was behind them...until...

he peaked around the corner at Ella...she screamed so Lije screamed...so Evan screamed...

it was really pretty funny!

One Happy Boy! They both finally warmed up to him and even gave him good-bye hugs.

Reading with Amma after Santa left.

Christmas 2009

A trip to see Santa...the 3Es, Wes, and Emily...

Three Es in a box...while putting up our tree...

Christmas on the square...

Girls and Kids...

Gingerbread houses with Mimi...

Every year we take photos in front of our Christmas wreath on our front door to track their growth.

Front Yard Photo Shoot...